Self Care Is Not What You Think

I invite you to take 30 seconds to identify what ‘self-care’ means to you.

Did you think of yoga? Did the concept of a wellness retreat in Bali cross your mind? How about getting a massage? If you did, you aren’t wrong – they’re all great forms of self care. But what if I told you that laying on the couch for several hours watching movies was also an acceptable answer or that eating a chocolate bar after breakfast was valid as well? If you read those examples with discernment, then you’re not alone.

Therefore, I invite you to reframe your approach to self care and how you apply it to your life, knowing that there is a spectrum of self care practices that are all equally valid.

When we hear the word ‘self care,’ we might assume that it’s being referred to on a spiritual level, that we require a profound inner awakening to persevere through hardships. However, self-care is holistic and spans our physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, environmental, social, and financial lives. For some, watching an intellectually challenging gameshow makes us feel energised. For others, drafting an Excel spreadsheet that plans our household budgets through embedded formulas provides them solace and a sense of peace. Both examples are likely the last thing you’d think of if anyone mentioned self care, but they have in common that they provide catharsis (i.e., a release of built-up emotions and a sense of fulfillment).

In Joshua Fletcher’s book And How Does That Make You Feel?, he expands on this by answering why this is considered self-care. Simply stated, self-care is performing an activity that allows you to feel more like yourself. Like humans, we’re all unique individuals with unique backgrounds, upbringing, genetics, experiences, and sociocultural differences (also known as the biopsychosocial perspective). If vegging on the couch for a few hours allows you to shed the day’s stress and bring you peace, then go for it! Self-care will look different for everyone… and that’s ok. Embrace your uniqueness!

Now, there is a caveat to this. What isn’t being advised is to excessively eat chocolate bars for a week or continuously lay on the couch movies for an obscene amount of time because this article told you to. The key is moderation. Let’s use our original example of getting a massage. If the massage is too short, then it’s not effective. If it’s too long, we might become too lethargic and see diminishing returns. Therefore, a set amount of time provides the right balance and relief.

So, the next time you hear the term ‘self care,’ I implore you to approach it with fresh eyes. Instead of feeling guilty for looking after yourself in non-traditional ways, consider that you might already know positive ways to contribute to your wellbeing.