School refusal, or Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA), is a term used to describe children who struggle to attend school due to emotional distress. It has become a growing concern for parents, teachers, and mental health professionals. The issue is particularly pressing today, with many parents noticing an increase in children struggling to get to school or facing significant anxiety around attendance, especially following the challenges brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic.
Everybody feels anxious sometimes. Fear protects us from danger and is key to our survival. Anxiety is a normal reaction to challenging situations. For most people, anxiety is temporary and goes away on its own, but for some, the anxiety stays and stops them from doing everyday things. Children are constantly navigating significant changes and transitions during their school journey, including hormonal changes, progression through different life stages, and changes in their social situations and environments. These changes can create uncertainty, insecurity, and ultimately, stress.
1. Understand the Root Cause of Anxiety
School refusal isn’t always about school itself, so understanding the root cause is key. Common causes include:
• Social or academic pressures at school (including exam stress)
• Difficulties maintaining positive relationships with peers or staff
• Unmet needs, such as additional learning or emotional needs, or feeling unsafe
• Home or family-related factors
• Sensory processing needs that make the environment overwhelming
2. Establish a Regular Routine and Stick to It
Consistency and predictability are crucial for children experiencing school refusal. Feeling a sense of control can promote security and stability. In times of change and inconsistency, a routine is an anchor in a storm. Use aids such as calendars, timetables, and checklists to help your child create a regular and predictable daily structure.
3. Communicate with Teachers and School Staff
Helping your child to verbalise their feelings to teachers and school staff is vital for establishing empathy and receiving appropriate support from the school. Remember, teachers are often very familiar with EBSA, even if you, as a parent, are not. Some schools may also have specialist school counsellors who can offer resources and have experience dealing with similar situations.
4. Model Calmness and Support
Children take emotional cues from their parents. If a parent is anxious or visibly stressed about their child’s school refusal, it may amplify the child’s anxiety. Being present, empathetic, and demonstrating how to manage difficult emotions is crucial. Use active listening, show understanding, and acknowledge your child’s feelings. Be mindful of how you’re managing your own emotions. Would you benefit from using self-regulation strategies?
5. Offer Positive Reinforcement
Celebrate all achievements—no matter how small. Every step forward is a sign of progress. Research shows positive reinforcement increases motivation, improves behaviour, strengthens relationships, and boosts self-esteem and confidence. Praise and positive feedback are powerful tools for parents navigating school refusal.
6. Encourage Open Conversations About Feelings
Families often don’t have regular conversations about emotions due to a lack of time, experience, or past negative encounters. Yet, our emotional wellbeing requires attention and reflection. As parents, we can foster open dialogue by actively listening without judgment and creating a safe environment. Share your own experiences to model vulnerability and honesty. These conversations are essential for helping children process emotions and strengthening their trust and attachment to you.
7. Seek Professional Help If Needed
Sometimes, professional intervention is necessary to help children manage avoidance behaviours and anxious thoughts. Therapy can guide children in understanding that imagined threats can feel just as overwhelming as real ones. Talking therapies identify unhelpful thoughts and strengthen coping strategies while encouraging more balanced, realistic thinking patterns.Teladoc Health UK provides accessible mental health support to individuals and their families. We help young people and their caregivers build emotional resilience and manage challenges like school refusal. Our clinicians can work alongside families to identify causes, suggest coping strategies, and create a clear action plan.
8. Gradual Reintegration is Key
Reintegration back to school following school refusal involves starting with small, manageable steps and gradually building engagement. The goal is to help your child gain confidence through positive, successful experiences. Creating a designated ‘safe space’ within school for when they feel overwhelmed can also make a big difference.
9. Promote Self-Care and Relaxation Techniques
Encourage activities that support wellbeing, such as:
• Regular hobbies and interests to build confidence and emotional resilience
• Time outdoors—walking, exercising, or simply being in nature
• Creative activities, like drawing or making something
• Relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, and mindfulness
• Journaling to express thoughts and emotions
• Positive distractions like reading or listening to music
• Staying socially connected with friends and loved ones
10. Be Patient and Understanding
Watching your child struggle with school attendance can be distressing and stressful. It’s natural to want to push them back into school, but coercion can escalate anxiety. Instead, patience and understanding are key. Your support gives your child the time and space to process their fears.
Conclusion
Many children face school refusal as a complex and emotional challenge, especially after the pandemic. As a parent, it’s essential to approach the issue with compassion, patience, and openness. Identifying the root causes, establishing structure, and seeking help where needed can be transformational. Working closely with your child and their school can create a supportive environment that eases their anxiety and rebuilds their confidence. With the right support, school can become your child’s positive and safe space.
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